Ich bin ein [Texas-Born] Berliner

I wrote this same essay almost 10 years ago (here), but time has passed and it’s due for an update. I can’t think of a better time to do that than on his birthday — March 3, 2010.

Paul and I met, as I said in that first essay, online in iLink Writers in the early 1990s. We’ve been in each other’s physical presence only two times during our entire friendship — once in 1995 in San Francisco for less than a week and once in Berlin in 2003 for about two weeks, when Paul invited me into his home. Back then I was much more committed to blogging than I am now, so I wrote about that 2003 visit with Paul rather extensively (beginning here and continuing for about 16 consecutive entries until this one).

But through the years we’ve become closer as friends as we’ve moved further apart physically. Perhaps the irony is that there’s an inverse correlation between physical proximity and being really close friends. I’m sure if he and I were confined in the same space for any prolonged period of time, we’d drive each other insane. He tolerates me best, and with just cause, in small doses.

When I think of him, it is with great fondness and profound admiration. I really like him and spending time with him, in spite of himself. I sense he feels the same about me, and I find that very rewarding.

Today is his 86th birthday, so I want to tell him this.

Paul, I hope you get what you want for your birthday, whatever that is. I have already gotten everything I could have possibly hoped for in return for the time I have spent being your friend. I look forward to whatever time we have left to share.

I love you, Paul, and I thank you for rewarding me with your friendship.

To those of you who may read this, I invite you to write your own essay about your friend Paul in the comments below. And even if you can’t get it completed on his birthday, I’m sure he will treasure reading how you describe your friendship with him, and it will give you a way to share your wishes for him. Thank you, if you take the time to do so.

This is Perry rather than Paul and I must begin by apologizing to those of you who’ve been looking here for an update on Paul’s condition for a long time. I have no excuse, but here it finally is.

I’ve just spent the last 45 minutes on the phone with him, helping him resolve a computer issue that he was having. I was only able to do that because Dr. Wolfgang Petri made me aware of and assisted by installing a program called TeamViewer on Paul’s computer with which I can connect to his system and provide him remote assistance. This application is free for non-commercial use, as it is being used in this case to help a recovering friend who is 4,586 miles away from where I live. I must pause for a moment and reflect on the fact that I think that’s pretty doggone cool. Paul too was very impressed by how well it worked.

Today’s conversation was the longest and most productive he and I have had since his stroke almost a year ago now. He is doing much better, I’m pleased to say. He can communicate reasonably well though he still has trouble with particular words or concepts and his memory is not what it once was. Today I asked his permission to interrupt him when I noticed his beginning to bog down trying to communicate something IF I thought I knew what he was saying. He agreed to allow me to do that, in the interest of having a more fluid conversation, and to not interpret my interruption as being rude. Normally, I give him plenty of time to say things, but for some time now, I’ve been having to reflect what I understood him to have said to ask him for confirmation if I were right, and that has helped us communicate even when he was having the most trouble speaking. He will even occasionally say something like, we’ll I’m not making much sense so let’s put this conversation off until later. That’s easy enough to do, so most of our conversations are for no more than 10 to 20 minutes in length.

Earlier this week on Monday when I spoke with him, he was very concerned about Maxe who was behaving listlessly, causing Paul to believe he was ill. I did not call yesterday because I didn’t see Paul online and presumed he might be attending to Maxe. When I didn’t see him online again today, I called primarily to check on Maxe but of course also on Paul. He greeted me enthusiastically, more or less as someone who was being washed away by a fast-flowing river and had already gone down twice might do. He related his computer problems to me, which was the metaphorical river that was sweeping him away, and we managed to connect via the TeamViewer program, which enabled me to solve the problems. Once we had addressed that technical crisis, I was pleased to learn that Maxe had made a miraculous recovery the next day and was back to his usual barking, tail-wagging self, much to Paul’s relief.

Some of you have asked me to talk about how Maxe was fairing and how his needs were being met. Those charged with visiting Paul on a daily basis walk Maxe frequently, but Paul no longer goes out on Maxe’s walks with him. Paul does leave the house on occasion with friends who stop by and take him to dinner and other outings. To be honest though, I do not have a sense of how frequently those outings take place. People like Wolfgang stop by and visit with Paul and help him with things that need to be done, from his television to his computer. So he isn’t isolated and without company. I can guess that there may be times when he’d like people there more often, but there may also be times when more people are there than he was used to before. When he and Maxe are there alone together, Maxe is often playing the role of a lap robe, keeping Paul’s lap warm while they watch television together.

As Paul’s 86th birthday approaches on March 3, 2010, I’d have to say that my friend and yours has made significant progress in recovering many, though not yet all, of his abilities.

I have just gotten off the phone with Paul and he asked that I post something here on his blog to let you all know that he wishes you Happy Holidays and that he sends his gratitude for all of your expressions of concern and thoughtfulness. He is still seeing his speech therapists at his home periodically and is hopeful of making enough progress that he can begin to respond to your emails at some point in the future. For the moment he is able to get into his email, thanks in large measure to Dr. Wolfgang Petri’s efforts in creating an icon for him that takes him to his Gmail inbox and logs him in automatically. Unfortunately, he still isn’t able to reply to the messages, but he is able to read them and he enjoys hearing from you.

His speech remains a struggle for him because although he knows what he wants to say, he has trouble getting the right word to come out. It is something that he finds “more than frustrating” but he continues to work in the hope that he’ll be able to communicate more fluently in the coming year.

May you all enjoy your holidays and have a very successful and joyful new year.

From all I know about Paul, I believe he might have posted this if he were able to do so.

My most recent conversations with him indicate that he is doing as well as can be expected, but his stroke, coupled with his apparently approaching dementia, have resulted in his almost total inability to do things on the Internet that he used to do. Both he and I mourn the passage of that milestone, but he continues to want to interact with the world, despite his limitations. Alas, we are all therefore condemned to my imperfect attempts to convey what he might have said or wanted to say if he were still able.

Please know that he loves you and appreciates all of you and your continued interest in him and his welfare.

I have just spoken with Paul and asked him if he were getting any exercise. He said, almost none. I also asked if he agreed with me that it was probably not wise for him to go out to exercise alone, given his tendency to have spells of dizziness and falling. He said that he did agree. I then asked whether those who stop by periodically during the day ever take him for a walk and, to my surprise, he said they did NOT do that as a routine thing.

After one of his recent visits to help Paul with his computer Christian Steinhoff remarked that Paul was not getting any exercise and desperately needed to be doing so. I therefore must apologize to all of you there in Berlin for not having brought this need to your attention before now.

Here’s what I’d like to propose.

If you live in Berlin and can commit to doing so, go by Paul’s home on whatever schedule you can spare and take him for a walk while you’re there. He admits to being painfully slow, so you’ll have to take along an good supply of patience and use it liberally. It shouldn’t take the equivalent of the Berlin airlift to organize a dozen or so friends who live close enough to go by for an hour every couple of weeks and get him up out of his chair and walk around with him in the open air for a half hour or so.

We often say, please let me know if there is anything I can do. Well consider yourself notified of how you can help.

If you’d like some compensation for your help, then let me suggest you tell him you’re there to take him out for a stroll down memory lane and allow him to choose the topic he wishes to repay you with. Such strolls down memory lane have formed the bulk of the content of our conversations through the years and those talks are both unforgettable and priceless to me. They are yours for the asking … and the price of going by to take him for a walk.

This is, of course, a limited-time offer as I’m sure you realize.

Please don’t hesitate to comment below and support this effort in any way you choose. Let’s not resort to having to pay someone to do this, when giving a friend a little block of your time returns such psychic benefits and positive karma to the giver.

Thanks.

As you’ll know if you’ve been following this blog and trying to keep up with Paul’s condition, he was released to go home on 20 July but it was only on 25 August that he finally regained connection to the Internet. Since then there have been a few hitches in sustaining his Internet connection, but those are essentially resolved now.

However, given all that he has gone through with the stroke and the resulting memory loss, he is having to start over, almost from scratch, to regain any facility with communicating by email and surfing the web. Since he hasn’t been able to send out much if any email, he reports that he has stopped receiving messages.

I understand that it is difficult to write continually to someone who doesn’t respond, but in this case I’d like to appeal to you to do so. This drop in incoming email leaves him feeling that people have forgotten him. My belief is that this phenomenon can be attributed to his friends not understanding that, though he can receive messages and read them, he has extreme difficulty initiating messages or even replying to those he receives. So my appeal to you is that you continue to copy him or direct messages to him (at Texas.Paule at Gmail.com) as you would have previously, and when you do write, please understand that he may not yet be able to reply to your message.

Since he has gotten back home, I have found it much more difficult to offer him technical help because of his loss of short term memory and his inability to describe accurately what he sees on the screen. He still has some difficulty expressing himself and of course finds that very frustrating. Yet he says that he’s not getting “any” email. I think that is probably an exaggeration, but I also suspect there is some truth to the observation that the volume of email he gets is off considerably.

He is able to receive calls by telephone or via Skype or Google Talk, and he welcomes those calls. Again though, when calling you should be aware that he moves more slowly than before, so please let the phone ring for an above average length of time to permit him time to get everything organized and pick up the phone. For either Skype or Google Talk, he’ll also have to don a headset which takes even longer. He usually naps between perhaps 1 and 3 p.m. so it would be best to avoid those hours if you decide to call.

Whether he will ever be able to be as prolific a communicator by email as he once was seems doubtful to me. However, he is still around and in the absence of this kind of contact with you, his friends, he feels cut off and isolated. Therefore let’s all resolve to revert our former behavior of copying him and writing to him as before even if we don’t hear back from him as we once would have. Perhaps over time, he will be able to develop his ability to reply or maybe not. At this point, I think it is impossible to predict.

Thank you.

I’m pleased to be able to announce that as of about an hour ago, our friend Paul has access to the Internet again. His old email address, texas-paule@t-online.de, is defunct. Please use the name as listed in the title of this post together with @Gmail.com to reach him. From what you’ve said in your correspondence with me, I’m sure you’re ready to be able to reach him directly again, so have at it.

We are still configuring his setup so that he can handle his email in Outlook rather than having to use the web interface, not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Some problems never die; they merely recede temporarily.) We’ll eventually get it to work I’m sure, because I’ve been able to configure my own Outlook 2003/Gmail connection without any problems.

So for the moment Paul will be using Gmail’s web interface to deal with email. Though it may be a bit less convenient than Outlook, on the upside it does contain the addresses he had accumulated up until his recent medical problems. So for now I won’t make any promises about how quickly he’ll reply, but he should be able to receive your messages and read them without any problem at the Gmail website.

Now then, at long last, you may resume your previous direct relationship with Paul and I’ll tip my hat and step back into the shadow. Thanks for all of your help and for your kind words during this interlude. It has been a pleasure for me to get to know you and to add you to those whom I think of as friends.

Perry

The other day when Paul and I were talking, I mentioned that I had heard this piece on NPR by Robert Krulwich about the fact that crows apparently can recognize and remember people’s faces and then evidently seek them out for particular scorn. As we talked I reminded him that he had written about an encounter he had had with crows in the park that is just up from his house, and he recalled both the events and also writing about them.

Later I went back and read those several posts again myself, and they are delightful! I mentioned to Paul that such things are really the true value of blogs. Like the cave drawings of primitive man, they leave whatever they contribute for others, whom they may never know, to enjoy or for yourself to review later when you return and re-read them, seeing no doubt all kinds of new things that you never saw before in your own story.

Since Paul is at the moment unable to update this blog and regale us with another of his delightful stories, I thought I’d re-direct your attention to his first post about his encounter with the crows (and the 2nd and 3rd) and then finally to his follow-up post. Enjoy.

I am pleased to report that Paul is back in his apartment as of July 20th and he is adapting to his new schedule and that of the various caregivers who come by as many as five times a day for one reason or another, to bring meals, to do speech therapy with him, to take care of any other needs he may have. In addition. the two Bachmann sisters, who have lived in that same building with Paul since he returned to Berlin and took that apartment in 1995, are also looking in on him and Maxe regularly.

And yes, in answer to the many inquires you have made about Maxe’s whereabouts and whether he and Paule were together again, they are.

There have been some delays in getting Paul’s TV service restarted and during his recovery his T-Online.de account was closed, but Paul told me that Dr. Moeller who visited him yesterday assures him those things are in the works. When he gets a new ISP therefore, he will have a new email address. However, he still has a Gmail account and can at least receive email at Texas dot Paule at Gmail dot com. Be patient if you write him however, since it may be a while before he’s able to answer your messages, and I find it a major challenge to keep up with his email and my own.

I’m cross-posting portions of this entry from my own personal blog to this one because this one has many more readers than mine and because you, the readers of this blog, are the audience that the new FriendsofPaule Twitter feed is intended to reach and inform. So if you are on Twitter and want to receive progress reports about Paul by all means begin following that feed.

I chose the name “Paul’s amanuensis” for that feed because that is the role I intend to play. I will attempt to relate what Paul wants me to convey to the group so that he isn’t burdened with having to learn the technology in order to communicate with you. The following screen shot shows the first few “tweets” in the window of Twhirl, an application I use for logging into and managing multiple Twitter accounts at the same time.

If you don’t know what Twitter is, this short video will help to remedy that.

If you have any questions or comments, please ask or make them in the comments section.

Update: If you’ll notice in the sidebar at the right, you can see the last five tweeted messages from the FriendsofPaule feed here on the blog. Therefore you don’t have to join Twitter, if you haven’t already, just to be able to see this microblogging feed about Paul. Every time you load this page, you’ll see the five most recent tweets displayed right here.